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How To Get What You Want...From The People You Want It From
Author: Kathy Gates
Successful feedback is usually associated with improving
employee productivity, but feedback is not just for
supervisor-employee relationships. Being able to deliver
honest, constructive feedback is also vital to healthy
relationships at home.

You give feedback to your children, spouse, friends,
doctor, and even your hair stylist.

If you run a home based business, you also need to be
able to give effective messages to suppliers, customers,
marketers, and web-site designers, just to name a few.

Being unable to give feedback successfully could set you
up for feeling taken advantage of, frustrated, under-
appreciated, and overwhelmed.

Putting these methods into practice will help you provide
honest communication that will protect your time and
needs, yet even improve your relationships.

1. Successful communication requires that you get the
other person's full attention. Plan your discussion at a
time when both parties can focus on the situation. Asking
your teenager to rethink the way she's spending her
money while she's got a rented movie and friends in the
other room is guaranteed to be ignored. Telling an
employee to redo a report as you rush out to a meeting is
almost always going to generate hurt feelings. Choose a
quiet time, and schedule enough time so that you don't
feel obliged to rush through the conversation.

2. Successful communication is on-going, not an out of
left-field ambush. When someone does something great,
don't assume they know how you feel. Tell them! The
same is true for when you need to correct a behavior.
"May I make a suggestion" are very valuable words for
an on-going dialogue of behavior.

3. Successful communication focuses on behavior, not
personalities. People will always respond more readily to
facts than fault-finding. Don't make it personal. Always
avoid sarcasm or insults. Whether it's negative or positive
feedback, connect it to specific examples, which will help
take the focus off the individual and highlight the
behavior instead. Tell him exactly what he did that was
not acceptable, or in the reverse help him to continue
appropriate behavior by praising his accomplishments.

4. Successful communication will motivate, not
discourage individuals. We all feel the need to hear from
others how we are doing. It's a basis for communication
and trust. A discussion resulting in an exchange of ideas
and information is always a powerful motivator.
Knowing what actions you want, what your goals are, and
having a method to give them to you will motivate people
to please you. Motivated people have specific goals and
look for ways to achieve them, and efficiency is a natural
result of that.

5. Successful communication focuses on one thing at a
time. Be specific. If you are giving negative feedback, be
direct about what the problem is, stick to the topic, and
avoid dragging in other problems. Instead of telling your
teenager that you've been proud of her attitude lately,
compliment an exact time she was willing to do
something without a fuss. Instead of saying "Hey Chuck,
nice work on that project", try "Hey Chuck, I really
appreciate you working so closely with XYZ Vendor to
get that equipment delivered on time".

6. Successful feedback focuses on things the individual
can do something about. Feedback concerning matters
that are out of the individual's control is not useful. It
only increases a person's frustration to be criticized for
something they can't do anything about. Reprimanding
your teenager for spending too much time on an
assignment is unfair since she can't control her teachers'
requests. Expecting your associate to write a business
letter the same way you would is impossible since he
can't read your mind.

7. Successful communication offers solutions. When
you must give negative feedback to someone, always
focus on what corrective action they can take. Be willing
to give them the support and tools needed to correct the
situation. Discuss the options, or explain the rules and
clearly define the consequences. The objective of
successful communication is to help the person view the
information as an opportunity to learn, instead of a threat.
By offering specific examples, you will be able to relate
how changing his behavior will help him achieve his
goal.

8. Try using the "feedback sandwich". A feedback
sandwich is a language tool that assists you in giving
clear and specific messages in an acceptable way. Begin
with a specific praise, then your constructive advice using
the tools above, then additional praise. It's very
important that your acknowledgments be true about the
individual, not just general positive statements.

About the Author

Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach, believes
there is a more advanced form of motivation beyond the
"gottas", "shoulds", and "havetos.
Visit www.reallifecoach.com, email kathy@reallifecoach.com,
or call 480.998.5843 for a FREE consultation

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